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i have just realised something. i'm a serious case of a fuck-up drug abuser. i take any drugs i can get my hands on, smoke weed daily, and abuse my medication.

right now, i'm on 150mgs of diazepam, 600mg of ketoprofenum and 3 joints. why? why do i this to myself? i'm getting even weaker.

i don't know. i'm just so unhappy with my life. i'm such a failure, i always mess up everything. god.

this loneliness is killing me. i have no one to talk to, and i'm such a fuck-up that i'm gonna die single with a bottle of liquor in my hand. god.

something's wrong, i can feel it. i haven't cried for days, i think i might be accumulating things... and that is sooo not good because when i finally burst, god knows what i'm gonna do.
hopefully, throw myself under a train or something.

i'm such a failure. i could blame the world, but it's all my fault. if i had studied, i'd stay in that better school.

now i'm fucked up and lost and lonely with poor education and addictive brain.

i'm really down. i need to talk to someone, but i don't want to talk to my mum, or my psychiatrist or any of my ana girls.

i just realized that if i died, no one i know would be sad. i mean, they would, like for a day or two, but they would forget me so easily... i've never done anything good in my life. all i've ever tried shattered to pieces.

i keep failing. i'm going down fast and i can't do anything about it.

i need help. for the first time in my life, i feel like i need help.

i'm thinking about leaving. i'll leave everything behind, i'll take my purse and disappear.

they will never find my body.

i can't cry.